As Chance walked up the stairs, I waited with anticipation to see how he was going to act around me. I couldn’t stop thinking about the harmless kiss on the forehead from the night before and what it all meant. It HAD to mean something, right? Sadly, when he came upstairs, he acted the exact same. “I knew it,” I thought, “it was just a friendly kiss because I was sick.” So, I buried my excitement at the thought of us together and continued on being his friend.
Except, this time, unlike the many times I’d buried my feelings before… I couldn’t shake it.
I remember laying on the ground of my bedroom (I was an extremely dramatic and emotional kid… who would have ever guessed that?!) listening to my favorite love songs, trying to figure out what the heck I was going to do. Do I tell him about my feelings? Do I just bury them like I had been? It was a never-ending back-and-forth.
After what felt like hours of indecisiveness, I finally decided: I was going to tell him.
As we sat in his bedroom, I remember he was folding laundry and putting it away. I think he could tell something was bothering me because he said, “are you okay?” After a long pause, I said, “Chance, what was the other night about?” Immediately, he said, “what do you mean?”
“You kissed me. What did you mean by that?”
Now, this time, he took a long pause and said, “…what did you want it to mean?” (TYPICAL. MAN. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE FEELING!)
I sighed and just blurted out, “Chance, I like you. I have for a while now, but I just didn’t want it to ruin our friendship.”
After what felt like an ETERNITY, he sighed and said, “Dem – why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
I, again, go on to explain that I didn’t want to ruin our friendship and that he was so important to me. THEN, he says, “I’ve loved you since the moment I met you.”
I can’t make this stuff up. CUE ROMANCE MOVIE CHEESY MUSIC, I was full blown heart eyes at this point. Heart melting, in a puddle. This was it!!! We were seriously about to become a couple and I was so excited and nervous all at the same time. We are going to live happily ever after and –
“… but I think we should just stay friends.”
– screeeeeeeeech. I’m sorry… what? Did I just hear him correctly? The boy who I like tells me he’s loved me for the past 5 years, but he still wants to be friends? Talk about a roller coaster of emotion in all of 2 minutes.
Chance went on to not explain much but just that he had buried his feelings because he thought it would never happen and now he didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Trying to play it cool, I agree, and pretty much run out of his house at this point to avoid crying in front of him. Because, you know, I just confessed my love for my best friend and he rejected me.
I remember crying myself to sleep that night (dramatic, emotional kid over here, remember?) and thinking that at least I knew now so I could get over it and just be fine with our friendship. I really thought I could do that.
When I woke up the next day, I was waiting for Chance to text me (since we texted every day). Crickets. Absolutely nothing. The same the following day, and then the next. I knew it – I had ruined our friendship. He could never go back after this.
Three days later, I was convinced our friendship was over and I’d never hear from him again (dramatic, emotional kid over here) when I got a text from him asking if we wanted to hang out that night. OH, PRAISE THE LORD, everything was going to be okay!! I obviously said yes and he came over that afternoon.
We spent the next 8 hours together and I was so excited because it felt like normal. Everything was fine and we were going to be fine. If we couldn’t be together, at least we could be together as friends, and that’s all that mattered to me. He was too special to not be in my life in any capacity.
At the end of the night, we were about to watch a movie at his place when he turned to look at me. “I have to tell you something,” he said. “Ohhhhhhkay, shoot,” thinking it was going to be nothing. He looked down at his hands and said, “As soon as you left the other night, I realized I made a huge mistake. You are so important to me that I was afraid of losing you. But, looking back, if we didn’t try this thing and see what we could be together, I would hate myself for not trying and regret it every day. So, I think we should do this.”
CUE THE HAPPY ENDING, PEOPLE!!! The biggest smile ever spread across my face. I swear I lit up like a Christmas tree. We hugged and both agreed we’d try this thing, even with absolutely 0 idea how to move from friendship to a romantic relationship.
The following week, Chance asked me to be his girlfriend. After I said yes, he grabbed my face and said, “I’ve been waiting so long to do this,” and kissed me on my front porch. As I watched him drive away that night, I knew in my heart I was going to marry that man.